HGFA Skysailor Magazine

SKY SAILOR 31 January | February 2019 out-do each other without even realising it. Yet we’ll never match up to it, because unlike what we see in our feeds, consistently having fun all the time is simply unrealistic. We all know a person who over-exaggerates the conditions. Hey, you were there on the hill with that person. You know it wasn’t that good. So, why do we feel the urge to exaggerate, ultimately making our friends feel like crap because they missed out? A part of us may believe that having a good time equates to being a winner in life and accumulating many ‘Likes’ and ‘Comments’ on social media about those good times, validates this. At the same time, we assume on a subconscious and muted level that the opposite must be true too. If we’re not out there having fun, and others are, we’re not winners. So we strive to be seen as winners and post about our perfect fun times – giving an inaccurate perception. Social media, whose business models are driven by exposure to advertisements, nourishes a competitive bragging culture that encourages us to feel the need to log back on and out-do each other with our experiences. Yet, if we remember a few points and learn to keep things in perspective, we can control our FOMO and help ourselves feel calm, cool and collected next time we miss out on another ‘epic’ flight. It isn’t now or never Remember that, the hill from which you regularly launch isn’t going anywhere. If you missed out on an ‘epic’ flight from Beechmont today, Beechmont is still going to be there tomorrow, and the day after. You do get to fly it again soon. Our circumstances are all different We go through different levels of eagerness to fly in our lives. We all drift in and out of these different levels over the years, depending on what’s going on in our lives and our differing temperaments and influences. We can jump back and forth through these phases from intriguingly addicted, to happily obsessed, to completely consumed, to being oblivious to what’s going on in the flying world, to being over it. We all sit, straddle or skirt around these levels, but the thing to remember is that the person posting about how good their flights are, may just be at a different level of eagerness to you at this point in time. This time next year, they’ll be at a different level, and a bunch of newbies will be bragging all the time. We all have different circumstances and different lives. Don’t be hard on yourself by comparing yourself to others. Instead, compare yourself to yourself last time you flew. Cut back on your social media groups The pilots I look up to personally, are those so steadfast and ‘grounded’ that despite them hardly flying, they still turn up every now and again and have a great time. Those people tend not to follow so many groups online, or post on Facebook as often as others. When you’re only exposed to exaggerated experiences, you’ll think you’ve missed out on an apparently epic flying session, and forget the other positive stuff you did in that time slot – that you were actually having a warm time with your partner or making a special dinner for them. You forget you played a game with your kids they enjoyed so much, it’ll linger in their memory for years to come. Or you helped a little old lady with her shopping to her car and really made her week. Reading braggarts’ posts over and over can make you remember what you’re missing out on and make you forget and less appreciative of the wonderful things you were doing in that time. When someone’s bragging gets you down, don’t focus on what you missed out on, but what you didn’t miss out on. It may not be flying related, but guaranteed that someone out there is wishing they were in your shoes. Don’t be so hard on yourself The simple fact is, there are only so many hours in the day. We all have to divide those hours for the priorities in our life and everyone’s priorities are different. If you don’t want to fly because you’re plain tired, that’s fine. You’re entitled to a break and a rest. The mountain’s not going anywhere. Is it more than a fear of missing out? Remember that not everyone brags for the sake of bragging. Many people genuinely want to share their happy experiences. Many want to share the flying conditions so others can make better and more informed decisions. Some aren’t as empathetic as others and are unaware that it’s making others feel down. You may be a just little more envious than they are a bragger… Carpe diem Seize the moment. Some of your friends are experiencing more good times (even if they are somewhat exaggerated), because they don’t overthink and just turn up for a fly. If the conditions look somewhat iffy, and if you don’t have anything else to do, if you’re not tired or feeling overworked, then just turn up. At worst, you’ll get to have a laugh with your flying buddies. At best, you could indeed have a great flight. The trick is to be in control and not feel pressured into turning up because of a FOMO – and just because others feel the need to brag, doesn’t mean you have to. Remember why you fly Keep reminding yourself to keep things in perspective and you will eventually get out of the FOMO rut. Once that happens, it’s a genuine relief. It’s like seeing the Matrix for what it is. You observe your close friends being hard on themselves, but from the outside in, you feel it’s an overreaction to what is, for most of us, essentially just a hobby (albeit a wonderful one). Oh, and if you are one of the few that do get a kick out of making others feel envious (more than one of my own flying buddies have admitted to this), remember some of your best mates may be putting on a brave face, giving you ‘Likes’, and positive comments, but are actually upset that they’re missing out. Also, no one likes a gloater. Flying is a wonderful and happy sport. If it makes you feel unhappy, look at the amazing hobby it is, and do something about it that will put you back in that positive space you were in, when you first took it up. I dedicate this article to some of my closest friends for whom these psychological struggles associated with flying are very real – and to those who pretend they don’t feel them, but do. About me: I’m an extensive researcher in the non-obvious effects (like FOMO) of social media and the insidious tricks advert-driven companies, like Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook, use to condition us into coming back for more. The result is [mybrainunwashed.org ], a non-profit aimed at educating kids on these habit-forming models before they become hooked. Additionally, my regular day job entails the study of social proofing and persuasive influencing.